Friday, August 26, 2011

Third times the charm?

One can only hope! Yesterday was cycle day 1 and even though I was upset, today I have hope, and determination to go through another cycle, and make this one it! We will start our 3rd round of clomid tomorrow, and use an hCG trigger shot this time around. I hope lucky month 15 is it for us, but if it isn't I want to promise myself that I won't let this consume me. I have so much going for me and so much to be grateful for, I can't let trying to conceive rule my life and emotions.

“Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your path.” Proverbs 3:4-5

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Three years ago today

A Honeymoon is supposed to be a fun relaxing time that you spend with your new spouse. Our Honeymoon didn't go exactly as we had planned. Three years ago Josue and I went on our honeymoon to the Riviera Maya, Mexico. On August 7th 2008 we went on a tour to Tulum, Mexico to see the ruins but we never made it.  Our tour bus driver fell asleep at the wheel and we crashed. It was scary and unreal. Two people passed and many others were severely hurt. I remember "coming to" hearing Josue call my name. He had been thrown to the back of the bus and I was slammed up against a broken window. We were stuck inside the bus for at least 30 minutes but it felt like an eternity. There was blood everyone and the man behind us couldn't find his wife. I remember feeling numb, but scared. Then a man started yelling "she's going to die" over and over again in reference to his Fiance. Josue calmed him down and we tied off her bleeding leg with a shoe lace.  When help finally came we got out of there and helped others to the ambulance. I had a piece of glass removed from my leg but other than bumps, bruises, and scrapes we were ok. Josue was amazing he helped translate for the people who didn't speak Spanish. He was there for me because I was shaking and crying. Now looking back it makes me realize what a stong man I married, and much I love him.
We were  taken back to our hotel and I remember thinking I was going to die because I felt so strange inside I thought I was for sure having internal bleeding. Once the strange feeling subsided and I saw a Doctor I felt a little better. Josue and I were given some muscle relaxers because the whip lash was terrible and I was given some antibiotic for my gash. We tried to use the next few days to relax and heal but it was hard, and we were both so glad to leave.
When we got home I was different. I was so grateful to be alive and praising God for choosing the seats he did for us. I couldn't imagine losing Josue, or him losing me. But I felt guilty, and sad all the time. I hurt inside and had horrible night terrors. It started to be hard for me to hide my feelings and Josue started to notice. He urged me to talk to him, but always said I was fine. Months went by and I didn't feel any better. I finally saw a Doctor and was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Survivors Guilt. I saw a therapist and started to take some medications. It was then I realized I had a problem, and needed to work through it. In all honesty I think what helped me the most was opening up about the accident. I started by telling God, then Josue and my Mom,  I went further and explained how I felt to my friends. Being open about my feelings helped me tremendously. I would never be able to explain the accident if it hadn't been for my healing. I have so much gratitude and feel so blessed now, and when I think of this day three years ago I can't smile, but I can feel good about God's choice to keep me and my husband alive. I'm still afraid of buses, and I'm not sure if I will ever like them or feel completley safe on one, but I've ridden one and I'm ok. 

                                                                     After the accident

He is always there for me to lean on

The Newspaper article

Thursday, August 4, 2011

How times have changed

I used this website to find the most popular words on my blog a couple years ago, and then tried it today just  for fun. Wow, have my words changed :)

Here is what is looked like a couple years ago

Wordle: love

And this month

Wordle: TTC

(sorry you have to click on them to make them bigger not sure why)

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Low Carb Double Chocolate Brownies

This recipe comes from my Uncle's blog Healthy Fellow. It is seriously DELICIOUS! & HEALTHY!! I just had to share.

This brownie recipe doesn’t taste like a stereotypical health food brownie. You’d never know that it’s dairy free, gluten free and low in carbohydrates. That’s part of the fun of making this type of treat. You can share it with the people you care about and later inform them that they unknowingly ate something that was actually nutritious. This even works with kids. Or, you can keep it your own little secret.

In order to transform a conventional, refined grain and sugar laden brownie into something genuinely health promoting, you’ll need to swap out several ingredients. Start by ditching the wheat flour in favor of almond meal. Instead of using a milk chocolate base, opt for non-alkalized, organic cocoa powder. Next, skip the butter by using full fat, organic coconut milk. Finally, employ an all natural sugar substitute in place of caloric sweeteners such as agave syrup, evaporated cane sugar and honey.

Unrefined cocoa provides an excellent source of antioxidants, dietary fiber and magnesium. Study after study indicates that this form of dark chocolate supports a healthy cardiovascular system via improvements in circulation, inflammation, lipid levels and oxidative stress status. But, the key to accessing these health benefits is to select cocoa products that haven’t been “mellowed” using a process known as alkalinization or Dutching. Valuable antioxidants including catechins and procyanidins are lost during this common processing technique. Be sure to check labels before buying your cocoa ingredients. (1,2,3)

The rationale for replacing butter or cream with organic coconut milk is found squarely in the scientific literature. Recent studies reveal that coconut milk and oil may: a) elevate HDL (“good”) cholesterol and reduce waist circumference in women; b) lower oxidative stress in the energy producing portion of heart cells or mitochondria; c) offer protection against liver and ulcer damage in experimental animal models. (4,5,6,7,8)

Healthy Fellow Double Chocolate Brownies

1 cup almond flour/meal

1 cup organic coconut milk

3/4 cup Truvia (stevia blend)

1/2 cup organic cocoa powder

4 large organic, omega-3 eggs

3 Tbs 60% semisweet chocolate chips

1 Tbs organic apple cider vinegar

2 tsp organic vanilla extract

1 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp sea salt

1/4 tsp organic instant coffee

Nutritional Content: Calories: 110. Protein: 4 grams. Fat: 9 grams. Fiber: 2 grams. “Net” Carbohydrates: 3 grams. Based on a serving size of one brownie. There are 16 brownies per batch.

Preheat oven to 350ºF. Sift the dry ingredients (almond flour, baking powder, cocoa and coffee powder, sea salt and stevia) into a large bowl. Stir well before adding the wet components (apple cider vinegar, coconut milk, eggs and vanilla). Use an electric mixer to blend the ingredients until completely smooth. Grease a 9″ x 9″ pan. Pour the batter into the pan. Sprinkle the chocolate chips evenly on top of the brownie batter. Bake for about 30 to 35 minutes. Start checking for doneness at the 25 minute mark. I always use a wooden toothpick as a guide – poke it in the center of the brownie pan, if it comes out reasonably clean it’s time to take the pan out of the oven. We like our brownies a little “gooey”. I suggest refrigerating any leftovers you may have.